What a week!
What a month!!
What a year!!!
If someone had asked me on New Year’s Day 2005 what I’d be doing on New Year’s Eve 2005, I’d never had imagined this. It’s truly amazing how prayers are answered. And it’s so true that Jah is ALWAYS on time! Who knew I’d be a VA resident, a corporate woman, a wife, and a mommy all in one year?!
God is good all the time and all the time… (You know the rest!)
Went for my first official prenatal appointment. I was nervous, but looking for answers. The doctor comes in and gets right to it. Basically, it went like this: “Here are your vitamins, here’s some literature, take your clothes off.”
Whoa! No, “Hi, how are you? My name is…” Nothing!
Already I knew I wouldn’t be seeing that doctor again. But get this, she asks me, “So are you pregnant?”
I say, “Well I was thinking you could tell me!”
What in the hell??? I went to the doctor to get my questions answered, not for the doctor to ask me to diagnose myself. That’s like the doctor asking, “So, you’ve got cancer?”
She did a pretty rough exam (I’m still a little sore), told me to clean myself up, and was rushing out the door when I stopped her and requested that she take a few minutes to answer some of my questions. I wanted to know about medication, exercise, diet, etc. When I told her I was a vegetarian, she said, “Ooh, that’s no good.” By then, I was really done with her. She explained that there was no way my baby would get enough nutrients if I didn’t eat meat and that supplements and vitamins wouldn’t do. She made it so negative. Even at this moment I feel like a bad mommy for not eating a burger or a chicken sandwich. She shouldn’t have made me feel like that, should she? It was as if I said, “I smoke crack.” So now, on top of being stressed out by everything else going on (job, wedding, pregnancy, etc.) I’m now stressed b/c I am depriving my baby by being a vegetarian. That ain’t right.
That was the worst part of the day. After leaving the first appointment, we went to David’s Bridal just to try on dresses. I didn’t really intend on getting one; just wanted to get an idea of what I liked and didn’t like. Boy, my taste and Soul’s taste are on completely different ends of the spectrum. He had me trying on big, puffy, froo-froo, ice princess dresses. One made me look like the Queen of Narnia. My taste is more simple: no sequence, no doilies, no hoop skirts… I don’t want to have any parts of that! In each dress, I could see my baby poking out. People keep telling me it’s too early to show. I think I may be having the biggest baby on record. (But honestly, I’m realizing that some of that is ‘back-up debris’. Thus far, I’ve learned that pregnancy makes you constipated and I’ve been carrying around a week’s worth of meals in my belly.)
We left the bridal store w/o a dress and went to our ultrasound appointment. You’ve already heard the drama that occurred there. But the highlight of my day (of my life) was seeing my bean on the screen. I couldn’t help but cry, seeing her/him (although I truly believe it’s a girl) all nestled snugly in my belly, curled up in a ball, looking right at us. She was just a peanut on the screen, and then I saw a steady flutter – a heartbeat! I instantly fell in love w/a being only 8 ½ centimeters long. I really believed at that point that I am pregnant! I can’t explain the transition, but it is a miraculous one that only my heart can sing of.
From that point on, everything I did and do is for my baby. I got up and braved the traffic, the cold, and the nerves of starting a new job for my baby. I force myself to eat for my baby (still not eating meat, though). I make sure I take my vitamins for my baby. I come home and try to get a decent nights’ sleep for my baby. And I wake up and do it all over again the next day, and the next, and the next for my baby. S/he truly is the sun that lives inside of me, and like a moon, I just revolve around her/him. Her/His gravity is so strong that it keeps me and Soul near her/him, wanting to talk to her/him, rub my belly, hoping s/he can feel it… S/he gives me energy, purpose, strength… I think I need her/him more than s/he needs me. I am sooooooooooo in love already; I can’t imagine how that will multiply exponentially when s/he is born.
Watch Him Grow!
