I'm Done

My infrequent blogging has long bothered me, and the combination of not being able to report daily on Amiri, as well as quite a few negative comments to this Blog have pushed me well towards the point of ending this endeavor. Call it frustration, call it being tired of restraining myself from telling a few people what to go do with themselves, call it quitting, today I've reached my limit and here is the comment that did it:

Tee Tee Tessa has left a new comment on your post "Ami' Galleries - BETA":

"no longer give a shit" Thanks unfortunate.

The comment is from a friend of Ami's mom. It's in reference to my own response of a comment left here yesterday where an anonymous reader advised that I was apparently blasted on Amiri's mother's Blog for not speaking to him on Father's Day. My response to that comment was as follows:

Soul Hunter said...

Haha - thanks for the heads-up. I'm assuming this is on his mom's blog, which I've only read once and have no intention of reading again. Father's Day morning I was helping my organization teach people how to shoot all in order to make some OT. I got Ami's message when I got home that evening, called him at home and got their voice mail, and left a message. I'm guessing that last part wasn't mentioned either. In any event, this is probably/probably my last comment in response to whatever crap is being said about me. His mother might enjoy engaging in sniping fests from the comfort of her keyboard, but I no longer give a shit.

10:58 AM

I don't know Tessa. I've heard quite a bit about her but we have never met. She has never seen me interact with my son. She has never seen me interact with my wife. As far as I know, she has never been married and subsequently has never had to go through a divorce. As far as I know, she has never been a parent. She knows nothing about me, but her few comments on my Blog have certainly suggested that she believes she holds a great deal of knowledge about what I should or should not be doing where my son is concerned, and she's apparently not been afraid to share them, all from what I perceive to be a very high moral position. Her comment really doesn't make much sense in the context of the two comments to which she responded. My response was, putting it more succinctly, that I don't give a shit about what anyone wants to say about me on their Blog or otherwise anymore. From that comes a response that would suggest that in adopting that position, I have once again failed some litmus test. It speaks to what this Blog has become; rather than a chronicle of my son's life, an opportunity for one person, among many, to dish out her thoughts on my relationship with my son. Rather than daily updates about my son's continued development and my experiences with him, a forum to receive and respond to news in a combative and argumentative way. I've long been a fighter with a gun or knife or my hands, but in words I've never enjoyed arguing. It's the reason I avoided litigation as a profession, the reason I didn't join the JAG Corps for fear of having to argue cases, and even in my marriage it was reflected by the fact that seldom did I ever feel that my way was the right or wrong way. Reasonable people can disagree without either party having to be right or wrong, but I found myself in a relationship where one person clearly believed that where opinions differed, I was usually wrong.

In a more fighting mood, I'd simply kill the comments section of the Blog. In a more contentious mood I'd blast back against a person who has no idea who I am. I may not like arguing, but that shouldn't be confused with not being able to apply myself to the task. But not today. Today I end it completely.

I've been reading Roy Jenkins's biography of Winston Churchill, and an aspect of the great Prime Minister's life (and a throwback to my childhood) is his love of writing with the pen. Before the word processor, and well before the advent of the Internet and email, I wrote many letters in my childhood, most of them to my mother begging her for something or the other after she moved to the U.S. and I remained for some time in Jamaica. Jenkins draws quite a bit of his research from the many letters Churchill penned to his wife Clementine, and the many politicians and world leaders to whom the PM so frequently wrote. Which got me thinking - why not actually write to my son in a volume of some kind that I can give to him some day in the distant future? With that in mind, tonight one effort ends and another begins. From here on out, my thoughts about my son and my comments to him will be in the form of hand written letters. I started this briefly when I mailed him postcards from Thailand and Jordan. I've never received confirmation that he got those cards, but from here on out I'll write down whatever I have to say and at some point down the road I'll give them to him. I'll make provisions in my will on where to find the documents so that they can be presented to him in the event that I should fall, whether in the line of duty, or when God wills it.

I want to thank all of you who have stuck with this Blog for so long. Some have been here from the start, some were with me on the day Amiri was born as I banged out a few posts during the delivery, while doing my best to not get in the way, and many have been here to witness my poor grammar and perhaps poor fatherly skills. Through it all I've appreciated the nuggets of advice that helped his mother and I navigate his first year, and helped me find my footing as we navigate the difficult process of a divorce. Amiri will see your many comments some day and marvel at the role this extended family has had on his life. The Blog will stay up for a while until I figure out the best way to archive all of the posts, going back to 2005, but as for posting, this is my last, and to that end I've disabled the comments feature. Peace and blessings to all of you, Insha'Allah.